Post by darjarbinx on Jul 24, 2006 21:32:34 GMT -5
Please discuss current man laws in this thread. If you'd like to suggest a new law, follow this template:
Man Law Name:
Description:
A couple of the hierarchy will approve or disapprove the man law.
CURRENT MAN LAWS
1) Urinal Law - When at a urinal, you never look down. Eyes must stay straight.
a) You may meat gaze for only ONE second.
b) If your urinal-mate has a choad, it's fair game.
c) No moaning if you have chugged less than two galloons in between tinkles.
2) "No Pun Intended" Law - No one may say "No Pun Intended" after making a pun. All puns must be intended or coincidential.
3) Stores Law - No man shall go into a Bed Bath and Beyond, Bath and Body Works, or any other store of that nature without a women you intend to get to know better at a later date.
4) Man Law Misconception Law - No less than four fingers will be cut off if anyone is overheard calling any of the aformentioned Man Laws "rules."
5) Boy Punching Girl Law - If you are a boy, you can't punch a girl unless she weighs no less than 350 pounds and is harrassing you to play with her tallywacker.
6) Role Call Law - In any situation, if you're the loser who says "present" during role call, then you will be forced to play with the aforementioned fat chick's tallywacker for no less than ten years.
7) Man Shopping Law - No man shall go clothes shopping with another man.
a) Depending on the situation, if the two guys are double-teaming a girl and they are panty shopping, it's all good.
8) Packing Law - No man shall ever take more luggage than a woman going on the same trip.
9) Big Game Law - Under no circumstances should a man miss a playoff/championship game in favor of going shopping with his girlfriend/wife.
10) Whipping Boy Law - You are allowed to hit your friend if he ever is caught holding his girlfriends purse.
a) You may hold the purse for no more than ten seconds if she is changing panties in front of you.
11) The Sep Law - Stick with a team, through thick and thin, and NEVER jump the bandwagon.
12) Tight Clothing Law - Pants are deemed to be too tight if they reveal pocket content.
a) If the pocket contents are a wad of cash or a condom, this no longer applies.
13) Message Board Law - Real men do not make a big deal about leaving a message board.
14) Questionable Hook Up Law - If a man hooks up with a 'questionable' (tranny, lab rat, etc) female, his friends may only make fun of him for 10-15 days after the hook up.
a) If you yourself haved not hooked up with a girl, or have hooked up with a questionable girl, within the past month, you have no room to talk.
15) Road Trip Pit Stop Law - On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
16) Folklore Exaggeration Law - You may exaggerate any anecdote by 50% without recrimination. Beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bull.
a) When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.
b) If the girl has a known STD, but is still hot, the allowed exaggeration is ballooned to 200 percent.
17) Wetting Pants Law - It is ok to wet yourself when thinking about the comedic possibilities of a dynasty.
18) Below The Belt Law - Never hit a man below the belt. That is just wrong.
a) If it is a light shot, beat him up.
b) If it is a hard shot, you reserve the right to hit him back in the balls.
19) Shotgun Call Law - Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies, as long as you are in eyesight of the object, or it is at a reasonable time.
20) Rock Paper Scissors Law - Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.
21) Family Guy Diss Law - Nobody is allowed to freakin diss Family Guy in any way!
22) Threesome Law - When in a threesome, under no circumstances may the third member have a tallywacker.
a) The second girl cannot be fat or have an STD.
b) If the second girl has a borderline moustache, get out.
23) Man Law Violation Law - Anyone who violates ANY man law shall face the same punishment as the Man Law Misconception Law.
24) Banned Vocabulary Law - The word adorable, and any other word that resembles this word is not a part of a man's vocabulary.
25) Seating Etiquete Law - When seated during the duration of a sporting event, one must wait until a prolonged stoppage of play, end of quarter, or halftime to leave his seat, so as not to disrupt the view of other men watching the match.
a) The only time this applies at NASCAR races is during the first and last 20 miles of a race.
b) During the last period of play in a game, if your team is currently behind, you may not leave for any reason what so ever, due to your team's continued need for your support.
c) One must take the route to the steps which crosses the fewest number of people, unless the longer route leads you directly by a hot girl.
26) Band Aid Law - No man wears a band aid. Suck it up.
a) Men must wear a band aid if they are playing a contact sport and the fluids from the cut may get onto another man.
b) A band aid is allowed when used to cover deep gashes so it doesn't gross out the ladies.
27) Girly Magazines Law - No man should ever have a subscription to a girl-oriented magazine under his name.
a) It is okay to have it in the house as long as the women reads it religously.
28) Pool Law - If you are enjoying laying in the sun, perhaps doing a little reading while your at it, you have to leave at least five chairs between you and the nearest man out there. Also, one must swim as much as he lays in the sun, as not to look like a woman laying out.
a)There is an exception if you are with your significant other and they force a break in the five chair distance.
b) No sharing umbrellas with other men.
29) Good Game Law - You can only say you had a 'good game' if your gear and/or clothing have a deep stench to them. This represents the effort you put in for your team.
30) Bumping Thread Law - You cannot bump a year old thread unless it is the Man Law Thread.
31) Bad News Law - Never deliver any bad news on a Friday since you never want to ruin anyone's weekend.
a) You may do it as an employer. Delivering bad news when there is a work day following can lead to guns coming into work.
32) Benoit Law - Don't ever get so jacked up on steroids you do harm to others.
a) Unless it is Osama Bin Laden or female Simpson.
33) Short Shorts Law - Short shorts have been banned. Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts.
a) No speedos.
34) Luggage Law - No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man.
a) This is also true because of law 8 that says you can't pack more than your significant other. Therefore it shouldn't be too heavy.
35) Don't Be A Fag Law - No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.
36) Foreplay Law - No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her
Man Law Name:
Description:
A couple of the hierarchy will approve or disapprove the man law.
CURRENT MAN LAWS
1) Urinal Law - When at a urinal, you never look down. Eyes must stay straight.
a) You may meat gaze for only ONE second.
b) If your urinal-mate has a choad, it's fair game.
c) No moaning if you have chugged less than two galloons in between tinkles.
2) "No Pun Intended" Law - No one may say "No Pun Intended" after making a pun. All puns must be intended or coincidential.
3) Stores Law - No man shall go into a Bed Bath and Beyond, Bath and Body Works, or any other store of that nature without a women you intend to get to know better at a later date.
4) Man Law Misconception Law - No less than four fingers will be cut off if anyone is overheard calling any of the aformentioned Man Laws "rules."
5) Boy Punching Girl Law - If you are a boy, you can't punch a girl unless she weighs no less than 350 pounds and is harrassing you to play with her tallywacker.
6) Role Call Law - In any situation, if you're the loser who says "present" during role call, then you will be forced to play with the aforementioned fat chick's tallywacker for no less than ten years.
7) Man Shopping Law - No man shall go clothes shopping with another man.
a) Depending on the situation, if the two guys are double-teaming a girl and they are panty shopping, it's all good.
8) Packing Law - No man shall ever take more luggage than a woman going on the same trip.
9) Big Game Law - Under no circumstances should a man miss a playoff/championship game in favor of going shopping with his girlfriend/wife.
10) Whipping Boy Law - You are allowed to hit your friend if he ever is caught holding his girlfriends purse.
a) You may hold the purse for no more than ten seconds if she is changing panties in front of you.
11) The Sep Law - Stick with a team, through thick and thin, and NEVER jump the bandwagon.
12) Tight Clothing Law - Pants are deemed to be too tight if they reveal pocket content.
a) If the pocket contents are a wad of cash or a condom, this no longer applies.
13) Message Board Law - Real men do not make a big deal about leaving a message board.
14) Questionable Hook Up Law - If a man hooks up with a 'questionable' (tranny, lab rat, etc) female, his friends may only make fun of him for 10-15 days after the hook up.
a) If you yourself haved not hooked up with a girl, or have hooked up with a questionable girl, within the past month, you have no room to talk.
15) Road Trip Pit Stop Law - On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
16) Folklore Exaggeration Law - You may exaggerate any anecdote by 50% without recrimination. Beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bull.
a) When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.
b) If the girl has a known STD, but is still hot, the allowed exaggeration is ballooned to 200 percent.
17) Wetting Pants Law - It is ok to wet yourself when thinking about the comedic possibilities of a dynasty.
18) Below The Belt Law - Never hit a man below the belt. That is just wrong.
a) If it is a light shot, beat him up.
b) If it is a hard shot, you reserve the right to hit him back in the balls.
19) Shotgun Call Law - Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies, as long as you are in eyesight of the object, or it is at a reasonable time.
20) Rock Paper Scissors Law - Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.
21) Family Guy Diss Law - Nobody is allowed to freakin diss Family Guy in any way!
22) Threesome Law - When in a threesome, under no circumstances may the third member have a tallywacker.
a) The second girl cannot be fat or have an STD.
b) If the second girl has a borderline moustache, get out.
23) Man Law Violation Law - Anyone who violates ANY man law shall face the same punishment as the Man Law Misconception Law.
24) Banned Vocabulary Law - The word adorable, and any other word that resembles this word is not a part of a man's vocabulary.
25) Seating Etiquete Law - When seated during the duration of a sporting event, one must wait until a prolonged stoppage of play, end of quarter, or halftime to leave his seat, so as not to disrupt the view of other men watching the match.
a) The only time this applies at NASCAR races is during the first and last 20 miles of a race.
b) During the last period of play in a game, if your team is currently behind, you may not leave for any reason what so ever, due to your team's continued need for your support.
c) One must take the route to the steps which crosses the fewest number of people, unless the longer route leads you directly by a hot girl.
26) Band Aid Law - No man wears a band aid. Suck it up.
a) Men must wear a band aid if they are playing a contact sport and the fluids from the cut may get onto another man.
b) A band aid is allowed when used to cover deep gashes so it doesn't gross out the ladies.
27) Girly Magazines Law - No man should ever have a subscription to a girl-oriented magazine under his name.
a) It is okay to have it in the house as long as the women reads it religously.
28) Pool Law - If you are enjoying laying in the sun, perhaps doing a little reading while your at it, you have to leave at least five chairs between you and the nearest man out there. Also, one must swim as much as he lays in the sun, as not to look like a woman laying out.
a)There is an exception if you are with your significant other and they force a break in the five chair distance.
b) No sharing umbrellas with other men.
29) Good Game Law - You can only say you had a 'good game' if your gear and/or clothing have a deep stench to them. This represents the effort you put in for your team.
30) Bumping Thread Law - You cannot bump a year old thread unless it is the Man Law Thread.
31) Bad News Law - Never deliver any bad news on a Friday since you never want to ruin anyone's weekend.
a) You may do it as an employer. Delivering bad news when there is a work day following can lead to guns coming into work.
32) Benoit Law - Don't ever get so jacked up on steroids you do harm to others.
a) Unless it is Osama Bin Laden or female Simpson.
33) Short Shorts Law - Short shorts have been banned. Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts.
a) No speedos.
34) Luggage Law - No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man.
a) This is also true because of law 8 that says you can't pack more than your significant other. Therefore it shouldn't be too heavy.
35) Don't Be A Fag Law - No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.
36) Foreplay Law - No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her
